drlilly-mason:

Dr. Amelia Shepherd: drlilly-mason: Dr. Amelia Shepherd: A Night Out: Lilly Mason and…

drlilly-mason:

Dr. Amelia Shepherd: A Night Out: Lilly Mason and Amelia Shepherd

hurricaneameliamd:

Amelia Shepherd stood outside the door of what was referred to around the hospital, as Joe’s. She had heard a lot of nurses and doctors talking about this bar and it had piqued her…

Lilly decided to stay there and talk to Amelia, Lilly hoped they could become close friends. Then Amelia ask Lilly how Seattle was treating her. Lilly answered “Its pretty good I am also liking my job lots of pretty guys you like working at Seattle Grace.” Lilly sit there for a moment sipping her drink and debating on whether to tell Amelia about the pretty guys at work. Then Lilly said “Amelia most the guys at work are pretty. I want a pretty guy like that, I mean Cristina Has Owen, Medrith has Derek who is so pretty and there are a few more pretty ones. Amelia you have to look over me sometimes I am a little boy-crazy.”

Amelia smiled, but couldn’t stop looking at Lilly’s drink. Not her drink of choice, but anything looked good about now. “I’m liking Seattle so far.” Amelia answered her. Amelia smiled when Lilly mentioned how attractive she found the male Doctors at work. It wasn’t weird for her to hear women rave about her brother’s good looks. She had been dealing with that since middle school. “I’m sure you’ll find someone. Not everyone at Seattle Grace Mercy West is taken. Don’t worry about being boy crazy, we all have our moments. Have you met Dr. King yet?” Amelia asked curiously. 

(via drlilly-mason-deactivated201202)

dr-charlotteking:

Amelia nodded thoughtfully when Charlotte informed her the man was her patient earlier that day. She could understand her desire to follow up with him. It was one of the things that made Charlotte such an amazing Doctor. Amelia’s eyes darkened when she heard Charlotte ask her if she was ok. You should have been the one to die. She ran a hand through her hair trying to ignore that thought that was running through her head. Her first instinct was to lash out, but then Charlotte would know something was wrong. So, instead she smiled, hopefully reassuringly. “I’m great.”

She felt bad for lying to Charlotte, but she didn’t want Charlotte to worry. Amelia wasn’t sleeping or really eating much, but she also wasn’t drinking or doing drugs. Amelia really didn’t want to drag Charlotte down again. She knew she had really hurt her when she was on drugs. Amelia had already decided if she ever did slip again she was going down alone. She saw Charlotte eyeing her concerned and she scrambled to change the subject. “So, I met the other urologist at Joe’s. You like her?”

Charlotte wasn’t buying it. She could sense something was wrong with Amelia, and she was getting even more worried by the second. “Amelia…” Charlotte began to talk. “…you know you can talk to me. If there’s anyone you can talk to…anyone that understands, that’s me. I care about you, Amelia. I can’t help but worry about you.” Charlotte said sincerely and quietely so nobody could overhear them. “If you need help. Come to me. I will drag your ass to a meeting, you know that.” Charlotte smiled softly letting her know that she was there for her. Of course Amelia had hurt her during the period when she was high, but she didn’t find the need to forgive her. All was forgotten.

Charlotte’s concerned expression remained on her face, and she got even more concerned as Amelia changed the subject. And too one that didn’t amuse her. “I met her. She’s…different. I don’t like anyone to begin with. Everyone knows that.” Charlotte said with an amused look on her face. “I worked with her yesterday. She was very friendly. Very patient friendly too. I’ll be keeping an eye on her.” Charlotte said a little concerned.

Amelia’s guilt grew as Charlotte expressed her concern. She hated making Charlotte worry. She was really touched by how much Charlotte was there for her. She tried to soften her features, as much as her guilt would let her. She tried to stop seeing Ryan just long enough to convince Charlotte she was ok. “I’m not drinking and I’m not taking oxy. I promise.” Amelia said softly, hoping Charlotte could tell she was telling the truth. 

Amelia smirked when Charlotte mentioned Lilly. She had seemed a little boy crazy the other night and Amelia had had a feeling it was going to bother Charlotte. Amelia, however, could over look it. Lilly didn’t know about her drug addiction and so she could go to the bar with her without feeling like she was being watched. She could see by the look on Charlotte’s face that she was still worrying about Lilly. There was silence for a few minutes, but with the silence came the thoughts of Ryan and Michelle. 

“This girl I met in rehab told me once that my guilt is going to kill me someday.” Amelia admitted. She wasn’t sure why she had shared that with Charlotte. She might as well have just taken a shot in front of her. Would probably have the same effect. “The only time I stop thinking about Ryan and Michelle and how it should have been me that died instead of them is when I’m being a surgeon. So, please believe me when I tell you that I’m clean and…” Fine seemed like the wrong word. “and dealing.” Amelia settled with. 

(via dr-charlotteking-deactivated201)

shepherd-derek:

hurricaneameliamd:

Amelia saw the emotions flicker across Derek’s face when she mentioned her relapse. She was so conflicted about whether or not to talk to Derek about it. She wanted to trust him enough to tell him, but she was terrified of how he would react. The first time she struggled with her drug addiction he had pulled away from her so fast Amelia hadn’t even realized he was gone until she got out of rehab. They had drifted so far apart because of it and Amelia knew it was mostly her fault. She had disappointed him and she would rather suffer alone than risk that again. 

She smiled when he mentioned how moving to Seattle would bring her and Addison closer together as well as the two of them. She felt guilty in that moment for not telling Derek everything. She wanted to tell him about Michelle’s disease and then death, meeting Ryan, going missing for 12 days (most of which she still didn’t have any recollection of), Ryan proposing, the intervention, Ryan dying, and finally pulling herself back out of the hell hole her drug addiction was. But, what would he think of her after he learned that she had agreed to help her best friend die and then left her alone so she could swallow a bottle of oxy? What would he think of her when he learned of all the horrible and cruel things she had said to Addison, Charlotte, and pretty much everyone else at OceanSide Wellness? What would he think of her when he learned that it was her fault Ryan was dead? She felt tears prick at her eyes, but she blinked them away quickly. You should have been the one to die. She pushed the thought from her head and focused on what her brother was saying. 

“No, Addie and Sam aren’t together anymore. He doesn’t deserve her,” Amelia said firmly. Amelia’s heart broke for her brother when he mentioned Zola. Derek had been an amazing big brother. He had really stepped up after their dad died and helped mom take care of her. He would have made a great dad. “She’ll always be your little girl. Sometimes life surprises us. Sometimes in really shitty ways,” she said thinking of Michelle and Ryan, “And sometimes in really great ways.” She smiled. “I know I would have loved her. I would have taken her to Paris for her 13th birthday and spoiled her rotten. I’m not sure that makes you a good aunt, though. I think you have to be a good role model to qualify as a good aunt and I am not someone anyone should aspire to be.” She smiled sadly when he mentioned he wished she could have gotten to meet Zola. She wished that too. “I could quote the big NA book at you, but I’ll spare you. Instead, I’ll say I hope I still get to meet her someday.” Amelia wanted to reach out and maybe touch his arm or hand to give him some kind of comfort, but she was unsure if he would welcome physical contact with her. No, she would let him set the pace for them repairing their relationship. She owed him at least that much. 

He watched the tears pool in her eyes before she blinked them away, his own heartache paining him momentarily. He wanted to help her, but he wasn’t sure how to. As he listened to her talk, watching and listening to the opening she gave him, he decided to take it. Clearing his throat, Derek talked slowly, doing his best to choose his vocabulary carefully as to not push her away. “I don’t mean to pry, to push you away,” he said, cautiously meeting her eyes to gauge her reaction to his words. “But, you’re my little sister, and now you’re here in Seattle. And maybe we could fix things if we were honest with each other. I told you about Zo, so,” he paused, searching her face again to see if he should just change subjects or if he should go on. She wasn’t giving him much to go on, and so Derek decided to take the plunge and just say what was on his mind. “What happened in LA, Amy?”

After his words were hanging in the air, Derek expected to feel regret for sticking his nose in her business so easily. Instead though, he felt relieved. Like a burden had been lifted off his shoulders—he’d been wondering about the subject since she’d carefully brought it up, and now he knew that even if she chose not to reply, he’d at least tried. He could walk away from this conversation pleased that he’d made the effort to reconnect with Amelia. It was now up to her to say whatever she’d been hiding. Derek put a smile onto his face in efforts to reassure her that he was here and that he would do his best not to be judgmental about whatever had happened. She’d made mistakes in the past, but so had he. And although he was endlessly disappointed in her that she’d turned to drugs, part of him understood that it was her way of coping when things got hard. It was the only thing she knew how to do when she hit a rough patch. And maybe, maybe if Derek was here more, she’d realize she could turn to him instead of her addiction.

That’s what he wanted. For Amelia to feel safe talking to him, to know that she could trust him if she so chose to. He didn’t want her to be foreign anymore, especially since they were working together now. And above all, she was his sister, and that meant that they owed it to each other to have each other’s backs. She was his little sister, and she was family, and Derek would be at fault if he didn’t try his hardest to repair things. He saw things in black and white, he did, but he would do his best to survey that patch of grey in between if it meant he’d reach through to Amelia. Being with Meredith had taught him a bit on how to regard the grey areas, and although it was still difficult for Derek to believe they existed sometimes, he’d do it for Amelia.

Amelia looked at Derek shocked, when he asked her about LA. Her heart thudded in her chest as fear washed over her. She wanted to be able to trust Derek enough to tell him everything, but she was terrified he would hate her after he knew the extent of what really happened. She saw him smile, obviously trying to reassure her, and she decided it was time to trust him. Worst case scenario, he stopped talking to her and that had already happened. Amelia took a deep breath.

“It’s a long story, but I guess when everything really started getting screwed up was when my best friend, Michelle, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s like her mom. When her symptoms got too horrible for her to handle she asked me to euthanize her.” Amelia stopped and wanted to look at her brother for his reaction, but she was too afraid of what she would see. “She had an allergic reaction to the sedative I gave her and she asked me to stop. I called 9-1-1 and they were able to save her. I brought her back from the hospital and we decided to watch a movie. She asked me to go get this new movie she wanted to see and I did.” Amelia felt guilt weigh heavily on her chest. “It was stupid to leave her. I should have known something was wrong, but I left her. When I got back she had swallowed half a bottle of oxy. I called 9-1-1, but she was already gone.” Amelia felt tears overwhelm her and she fought to keep them at bay. Images of Michelle lying lifelessly on the bed in her purple dress assaulted Amelia’s already fragile mind. 

Amelia took a deep breath. “You have to understand that when I found her I felt this ache in my chest. I have never felt so alone or scared in my entire life. At least up until that point.” Amelia said thinking of Ryan. “I had been drinking pretty heavily before that and Charlotte had revoked my surgical privileges. I felt like I had lost Charlotte and Addison was wrapped up in her own life. I felt like Michelle was all I had left and then she was just gone. I couldn’t breath I just stood there. And then it occurred to me exactly how she had killed herself. I felt like maybe she had used oxy on purpose as her way of making sure I wasn’t completely alone without her.” Amelia shook her head. “Which is ridiculous, she probably thought the oxy was the quickest and most painless way for her to die. Anyway, I…” Amelia finally met her brother’s gaze, devastation, shame, guilt, and fear in her tearful eyes. “I kept some…of the oxy. I wasn’t sure I was going to take them, but then the Detective asked me if I had anyone I could call and I didn’t think I did. I know now Addison and Charlotte would have come to me in a minute if I had asked them, but at the time I thought I was alone. After he left I swallowed them and I didn’t feel so alone.” She looked away from Derek’s gaze, unable to determine what he was thinking and feeling. 

“Do you want me to keep going? It gets a lot worse before it gets…well I’m not sure it even gets better,” Amelia said seriously. She looked back at her brother waiting to see if he wanted to know more or if she had just destroyed her relationship with her big brother, her hero, for a second time.      

dr-charlotteking:

Charlotte looked up once she saw Amelia enter the room. She noticed something off about her, but then wasn’t the time to ask what was wrong. Not when a patient was in danger. “Yes, I paged you. Trauma case. The has been a fire in three houses. The explosion in the middle house caused it. Owners were cooking crystal meth. This is the patient that lived in one of the other houses. He had multiple burns all around, but I paged you due to his seizures.” Charlotte explained the case to Amelia.

“I believe we should protect his burns and get him into an MRI room. See what’s causing the seizures. I paged you thinking you want on the case.” Charlotte said. But she was also checking that Amelia was doing okay. She had been worried when Amelia mentioned maybe going to Joe’s for a drink one night. Charlotte didn’t want Amelia falling back into her dark path of drinking that could only lead to drugs. Charlotte wouldn’t let Amelia go through that again. Charlotte looked down as the patient began to seize again. “Another seizure.” Charlotte said looking at Amelia letting her take charge of the case as it was now clearly a neurological case.

Amelia nodded at Charlotte and rushed over to the bed to help the nurses turn him on his side, in case he vomited. She could see the burns all over his body and knew he must be in a lot of pain. Just another reminder how drugs hurt more people than just the person taking them. A lesson she had learned the hard way and a lesson that, hopefully, whoever was cooking the meth had learned today. 

Once the seizure stopped she turned to a nurse. “Get me some benzodiazepine, now,” Amelia ordered her. The nurse look flustered, but obeyed. Amelia knew she shouldn’t yell at the nurses like that, but she was a little cranky today. Another trip to Joe’s would fix that. Right now, however focusing on this patient was her top priority. She turned to another nurse. “Call up to the MRI tech and let him know we’re coming and page someone from plastics for the burns…please,” She added trying to be nicer. It wasn’t their fault she was in a bad mood. The nurse nodded and went to make the call. Amelia stayed with the patient in case he had any more seizures before the nurse came back with her requested medication. 

Amelia was looking over the chart when she remembered Charlotte was also in the small room. She looked up at her friend and smiled. “Not that I don’t love hanging out with you, but what does this guy have to do with Urology? Or are you here as Co-Chief?”

Charlotte noticed the mood Amelia was in and she began to worry. Charlotte knew she should drag Amelia to a meeting just in case anything had happened that could drive Amelia back to her addiction. She didn’t like Amelia being this way, it worried her. Amelia was a cheerful person, she was like a ray of sunshine. She smiled, joked around, never knew how to filter and laughed. If she was in a mood…something was obviously wrong. Amelia was a warm person, Charlotte normally didn’t like people that were too warm, but she like Amelia. She cared about Amelia and she wouldn’t let her go down the dark road of her drug addiction again.

Charlotte watched Amelia control the case. When she was Chief of Staff at St. Ambrose, she was used to watching over cases, and letting other attendings control the situation the patient was in, unless they needed her help. A nurse came up to Charlotte asking about another case, Charlotte gave her a few orders and then returned her attention to the patient. She looked up at Amelia’s questions. “He was my patient this morning, I just want to make sure he’s going to be okay.” Charlotte explained. “And I’m also here as Co-Chief.” Charlotte said walking over to Amelia. “Are you alright?” Charlotte asked speaking with her concerned tone. 

Amelia nodded thoughtfully when Charlotte informed her the man was her patient earlier that day. She could understand her desire to follow up with him. It was one of the things that made Charlotte such an amazing Doctor. Amelia’s eyes darkened when she heard Charlotte ask her if she was ok. You should have been the one to die. She ran a hand through her hair trying to ignore that thought that was running through her head. Her first instinct was to lash out, but then Charlotte would know something was wrong. So, instead she smiled, hopefully reassuringly. “I’m great.”

She felt bad for lying to Charlotte, but she didn’t want Charlotte to worry. Amelia wasn’t sleeping or really eating much, but she also wasn’t drinking or doing drugs. Amelia really didn’t want to drag Charlotte down again. She knew she had really hurt her when she was on drugs. Amelia had already decided if she ever did slip again she was going down alone. She saw Charlotte eyeing her concerned and she scrambled to change the subject. “So, I met the other urologist at Joe’s. You like her?”

(via dr-charlotteking-deactivated201)

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